You Want me to do What?
by LaylaBinx
Summary: Hehe, Riley gets the hiccups and Abi and Ben think up all kinds of ways to help him! Silly stuff :D Hope you like it!
1. Damn

**Hehe, okay not sure why this idea popped into my head but it did and I had to write it or it would drive me crazy :D Let me know what you think!! Next chapter should be up tommorow [grin**

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Riley shifted uncomfortably in his chair, twisting to the side and looking away from the computer screen. His back was tight and stiff from sitting in one postition for too long and he stretched back into the chair, feeling his spine pop all the way down to his hips.

He inhaled sharply as the final pop resounded loudly, his breath hitching in his throat a little. He stiffened slightly, the familiar, dreaded feeling returning with all the memories that it usually brought. Riley shook his head slowly and closed his eyes. "No, not right now..." he whispered softly to no one in particular.

The tightness in his chest and throat began to creep forward, gradually becoming worse and worse as the minutes passed. The last time he's had an attack like this is had lasted for a little over three hours. Riley took a breath and held it, trying desperately to stave off the inevitable.

A few seconds passed and the feeling began to fade. The tight, constricted feeling in his throat began to subside, leveling off to a dull awareness that pressed in the back of his mind. After a few more seconds of nothing, Riley sighed slowly, letting all the air out of his lungs.

Suddenly, there was a contraction, sharp and quick, that caused his shoulders to shudder. Riley winced and sat still, waiting for the next one. He didn't have to wait long. Seconds later another contraction hit and he shuddered again.

"Damn..." he sighed loudly, resting a hand over his eyes in frustration. Just when you thought it was over...just when you thought it was safe to go back to work...the hiccups strike again.

"Ohhh **hic** this is going to be a long afternoon..."

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**Yay!! Okay, I'm discovering all these really weird "cures" for hiccups and some of them are pretty funny. If you have any strange or unusual ideas let me know, I'd be glad to put them in along with credit to you for the idea!! Hope you like it!!**


	2. Epic Hiccups

**New Chapter!! Yay!! I've been getting lots of great ideas from everyone reviewing and I promise it'll get better!! Thank you all!**

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Abigail pushed the car door closed with her shoulder, supporting a paper bag full of groceries on her hip. "And I'm telling _**you**_ that during the Inquisition the knights answered to the King of Spain, not the Pope."

Ben sighed heavily and grabbed another bag from the back seat. "No, they had to answer to the Pope back then. Everyone had to answer to the Pope; even the king. If they didn't, they'd be excommunicated."

Abigail walked up ahead and opened the front door, stepping into the hallway. "Except during the Inquisition." She countered, walking toward the kitchen. "If the Pope disapproved, the king could have him executed; much worse than excommunicated."

Ben shook his head slowly but knew better than to argue any further. When Abigail had made up her mind about something, there was very little he or anyone else could do to change it. Not only that, he was starting to remember those annoying little tid-bit facts about both the Inquisition and the Crusades that led him to believe she was right regardless. He rounded the corner a little too sharply and ran directly into her shoulder, stumbling back a few steps. "Sorry Abs, didn't mean to-" he stopped as he noticed her staring at something just inside the kitchen. Stepping a little bit past her, he peered into the kitchen, cocking his head to the side a little at what he saw.

Riley was currently hanging upside down on the counter with a bottle of water in one hand and the other pressed into the floor to keep him from falling over.

"Well, I have to say that in all the years that I've known you, I never would have guessed you'd be into gymnastics…" Ben said, dumbfounded and completely at a loss as to what Riley was doing.

The younger man coughed as he took a drink, gagging a little as the water flooded his sinuses. "Shut up, Ben…" he sputtered, sniffing hard to prevent the water from leaking out.

"Riley, what are you doing?" Abigail asked, walking forward and crouching down in front of the upside down man.

"Well, I was trying an old wives trick but **hic** it's not working…" Setting the water bottle down, he twisted and tumbled to the floor, Ben and Abi moving forward to help him up. "I have **hic **the devil's curse." He said, receiving a few blank stares in return. "The hiccups."

Ben gave him a lopsided grin and chuckled. "Again? Didn't you have them not too long ago?"

"Yeah, about **hic** a month ago to **hic** be precise, so** hic** glad you were **hic** keeping track."

"What's the big deal?" Abi asked from behind Ben, grabbing a glass from the counter and filling it with water. "They're just hiccups, right?" She handed the glass to Riley, watching as he and Ben exchanged looks.

"Well, thing is, Riley has what we like to call "epic hiccups."" Ben explained, the smirk never leaving his face. "He's the kind of person to get them and keep them for hours, sometimes days on end."

"Yeah, the last **hic** time lasted about…3-ish **hic** hours."

Noticing that both were being completely serious, Abi laughed lightly and bit her lip thoughtfully. "Well there has to be something that will work for you." She stood slowly and paced the kitchen, her arms crossed over her chest as Riley continued to hiccup on the floor. "Drink water?"

"**hic **Tried that."

"Hmm, hold your breath?"

"**hic** Yup…"

Ben gave a soft laugh and shook his head. "Trust me, Abi, we've tried everything. Swallowing sugar, biting a lemon, scare tactics…none of them work. Riley doomed to be cursed with terrible bouts of hiccups and all us mortals can do is sit by and watch."

"I'm so **hic** unbelievably glad that **hic** you find this funny. That's **hic** why I woke up this **hic** morning."

"I know, I live for moments like this." Ben teased, ruffling the younger man's hair playfully.

"Well, I'm sure there's a way cure these "epic hiccups."" Abi assured, a defiant gleam in her eyes. "Trust me, by the end of the day, I will cure you Riley Poole."

Riley hiccupped in dread, suddenly wishing he'd just have an aneurysm in his throat and be done with it. He wasn't entirely sure what Abigail had planned but with Ben on her side, it most certainly would not end well for the younger man.

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**Special thanks to The Randomist (the "crush" idea I haven't used yet, hehe), Yoink Daydurfurits (Lol bribery, drinking water, scaring), and East of the Sun (earlobes) Thank you all so much for your ideas!!!**


	3. Riley Knows Latin?

**Whoo! More fun cures and we're not even close to being done yet!! Thank you all for your ideas, they're a great help!!**

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"Really **hic**…? 

"Yeah, my grandmother used to make me do it all the time when I had the hiccups. A rapid and unexpected change in flavor or temperature is supposed to override the "hiccup" signal." Abi insisted, handing Riley the concoction she'd just gotten done mixing.

Riley gave Ben a pleading look but the older man just shrugged. "It's worth a shot. It's one of the few cures we haven't tried yet."

Sighing deeply, Riley walked over to the sink and took a drink for the glass Abigail had handed him, immediately spitting it back into the sink. "Ugh! **Hic!** That's disgusting!!"

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad."

"Abigail! I don't **hic** know what possessed your** hic** grandmother to think that gargling** hic** iced pickle juice would work for **hic** hiccups but I think my throat just **hic** tried to forcefully evacuate **hic** my body…!"

Abigail sighed and moved the glass, pouring its contents down the drain. "Well, it used to work for me. That's all I know."

"Try jogging in place."

"What?" Riley turned to Ben with a questioning look, one eyebrow arched sharply.

"That or jumping. Either way it's going to cause a change in your breathing pattern and it might cause them to stop."

Riley shrugged and began jumping on one foot, occasionally switching legs when the other would get tired. "I don't **hic** think its working."

"Sing the national anthem." Abi suggested, taking a seat at the computer and pulling up a search engine.

"I **hic** tried that-"

"In Latin."

"What?! Both Ben and Riley looked at her incredulously, confusion and surprise clearly written across their faces.

"Well, almost everyone in the United States knows the song by heart so by singing it in a language you don't know, it causes you to concentrate on something other than your hiccups." (1)

Riley thought for a few minutes before he began to sing. "O **hic** Narro… can vos animadverto… per **hic** diluculo… mane lux **hic** lucis…?" Abigail and Ben watched in stunned silence as Riley managed to sing the entire song with very few pauses or stops, his hiccups still interrupting occasionally. "O narro does **hic** ut astrum spangled vexillum **hic** etiamnunc undo. Pro terra **hic** of solvo quod domus** hic** of fortis."

"I…had no idea you knew Latin." Ben admitted after a few seconds, a new respect beginning to form for his best friend.

"Yeah, well **hic** it's not like I had many **hic** friends in high school or college **hic** so it was something to pass **hic** the time." The younger man joked, smirking a little at the impressed looks he was getting.

Ben shook his head in awe and Abigail giggled, pulling up a website on the computer. "What are you doing Abs?" Ben asked, peering over her shoulder at the well researched and neatly typed article she'd found.

"Using ye olde Google website to find a cure we may not have thought of yet." She answered simply, winking at Ben and scrolling down the page. "Ohhhh…" she breathed after a minute. "These are good…"

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**Hehe, cliff hanger :D Okay, the singing in a different language thing is something I picked up from my Spanish teacher in high school. Anytime someone in our class had the hiccups she'd make them stand up and sing the National Anthem in spanish. Needless to say, we became _very_ good at hiding our hiccups [grin**


	4. Spectrum

**SLASH!! Okay, not alot, its actually very minor and based more or less on an episode of Naruto that's become famous among the slash community. Anyway, there is a very small amount of slash in this chapter but nothing graphic or gross so if that offends you I'm very sorry. I myself am a total slash slut and would love to make it more detailed but I also know that there are some people out there who may be offended by things like that so I won't make it too terrible :D I hope you still like it!!**

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"Okay, do you want to start with the semi-normal cures or the off-the-wall-what-the-hell-are-they-thinking cures?"

"Do I **hic** have a choice?"

"Not really. I was just asking for reference sake. That way you can't say I didn't offer you another option. " Abi flashed Riley a playful wink and highlighted a sentence on the website.

"Wow, I'm so **hic** glad I'm friends with you **hic** two..." Riley muttered sinking into a chair and looking between Ben and Abigail.

"It could be worse." Ben offered gently, shrugging his shoulders a little as he spoke.

"How is **hic** that?"

"I could have left you alone with Abigail." Ben grinned playfully, laughing as Riley's eyes widened as Abigail's simultaneously narrowed.

"Wow, touche **hic** salesman"

"You are just so cute Benjamin Gates, sometimes I can't even stand it." Abi muttered, shaking her head and highlighting a few more sentences off the internet. "We'll see what happens the next time you need help with one of your little treasure hunts."

"Aw, you know I love you Abigail." Ben laughed, walking over and hugging her from behind, ruffling her hair into a pretty blond puffball.

"Ben!!"

"What?"

Riley stepped to the side as Ben was thrown to the floor with enough force to make the table shake. He watched for a few minutes as both Ben and Abigail wrestled in what seemed like a death match, Abi obviously having the upper hand.

"Okay! Okay! Uncle! You Win! I'm sorry!" Abigail nodded in satisfaction and hopped off the treasure hunter's back, brushing off her clothes and strightening her hair. Ben sat up a few seconds later, breathing hard with disheveled clothes and equally messed up hair.

"Wow, either you **hic** really suck at fighting **hic** or you let her win." Riley observed from his perch on the kitchen counter.

"I let her win." Ben rasped, standing slowly and pulling the carpet fuzz out of his shirt.

"What was that?"

"I said you rock." He repeated, flashing a cheesy grin and backing away from the chair.

"That's what I thought you said. Okay, Riley, you ready?"

"**Hic** I guess."

"Alright, the first one says to eat a handful of green grapes followed by a teaspoon of peanut butter."

"Peanut **hic** butter? What, am I making **hic** a sandwich?"

"No but the acidity of the grapes combined with the peanut butter will cause your throat to open and contract enough to work the muscles and hopefully stop your hiccups." Ben explained from over Abi's shoulder, watching her out of the corner of his eye in case she decided to attack again.

"Ah, of **hic** course." Riley walked over to the pantry and pulled out the peanut butter, setting it on the counter and turning to the refrigerator. "Umm, do they have to be green?"

"I think so, the green ones have the highest acidic content."

"Well, we have some red grapes that are starting to turn green but I don't think it's the same concept..."

"Nah, it's okay." Abigail called. "We have some more things you can try."

Riley nodded and came back with a mouthful of peanut butter anyway, his hiccups muffled in the sticky mess.

"Okay, this one says to blow up a red balloon."

"Why does it have **hic** to be red?"

"I don't know, maybe something to do with the body's reaction to color..? Anyway, it says you're supposed to blow it up for 30 seconds breathing in through your nose and pushing the air out through your mouth."

Ben left the computer table and began to dig around through the closet. After a few seconds he returned with bag full of brightly colored balloons they'd kept from New Years Eve. "Here you go, buddy. It's sparkly." Ben grinned and handed his best friend a glittery red balloon with 2008 written across the front.

Riley glared a little at his friend but took the balloon and stretched it out carefully. Taking a deep breath, he began to inflate it.That is, he tried to inflate it. With each breath he blew into the balloon, a hiccup would emerge and cause him to suck the air back into his mouth, creating a tiny squeak with each attempt. Finally, after about 2 minutes of Abigail and Ben's laugher and a completely useless balloon, Riley gave up and threw the horrible object in the trashcan.

Abigail giggled to a stopping point and read another highlighted sentence off the page. "Hmm, okay this says to draw a thin line across the base of both wrists, over the pulse points, with a purple marker." All three looked at the computer screen incredilously and read the directions again.

"What is it **hic** with all the colors today **hic**?"

"Well the cooler colors, like blues and purples, have a sedating effect on the body and will cause you to relax." Ben explained, digging through a drawer on the computer table and pulling out a magenta Crayola marker.

"I could get **hic** morphine for that trouble." The younger man muttered, presenting his wrists to his best friend and watching as Ben drew a line from the base of his thumb to his pinky. "Great, now I **hic** look like I'm marked for **hic** death by someone who works for **hic** a marker factory..."

"Yeah, yeah. Quit whining." Ben teased and he ruffled the younger man's hair and stood. "I'll be right back, I have to pee." And with that farewell, he exited the room leaving Riley and Abigail to stare at the remaining cures.

Abigail read through a few more sentences and chewed on her lip thoughtfully. "All of these seem a little far fetched..." she mused, twirling a strand of hair aorund her finger in contemplation.

"As opposed **hic** to...?"

She smiled and squinted at one in the middle of the page. "Well, this one seems like the most logical of the bunch. It says to put ice on either side of the throat for 30 seconds to numb the muscles." She read carefully, pasting the directions onto a blank page.

"Uh...yeah, that's **hic** not going to happen..."

"Why?"

"It's just not...**hic** I'm sorry Abigail but that's the **hic** only one I refuse to try." Riley crossed his arms protectively over his chest, his shoulders raised just slightly as if guarding his throat.

Abigail watched him closely, confusion fading into realization. She smirked and moved a little closer. "You're ticklish aren't you?"

"What? No, I just...I don't **hic** like people touching my neck...that's **hic** all."

"Uh huh." Abi reacted quickly and reached out, tickling Riley's neck and shoulders with long, pointy fingers. The younger man jumped in surprise and nearly fell out of the chair trying to get away. He burst into a fit of giggles and batted uselessly at Abi's hands as she continued to torment him mercilessly. "The website never said anything about "tickle therapy" but it's worth a shot." She laughed, watching as Riley scrambled to get away.

"Ben!" The younger man called in hopes of some rescue. "Ben!! **Hic!!** Help!!" His words were drowned in a fit of giggles however and he broke into a run to escape the brutal attack. He rounded the corner sharply, just in time to run face to face into Ben. Their lips touched briefly and both pairs of eyes widened exponentially, a blush spreading across both faces.

Riley stumbled back, his blue eyes impossibly wide. The next few seconds were a blur but there was a combination of the surprise, tripping over Abigail's foot and the rug sliding out from under him that caused him to tumble backwards. His head connected solidly with the kitchen counter and everything tilted. He briefly heard Abigail and Ben shout his name but he was too far gone to answer as darkness closed in around him.

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**Yay!! Okay, some of these (weird as they may sound) have been documented and some people swear by them. If anyone has the hiccups and gets the burning desire to try one of these cures, be sure to let me know how they work :D Also, anyone who liked the slash concept, let me know and I may write an alternate chapter for this [grin Please review, they're like my cocaine XD**


	5. A Cure is Found!

**Yay!! Last chapter!! No worries, there's no slash in this chapter so for anyone that was a little wary about reading on, rest assured. The relationship in this story is completely platonic and the kiss was by accident. I'm a total fan of Ben/Riley no matter what the relationship is but I also know that not everyone is comfortable with that so I made this story as innocent as possible. But not to worry my little slash junkies:D I decided to write an alternate ending as well...More at the bottom of the page [grin**

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"-iley...?"

"Riley...?"

"Riley!"

The young man in question groaned painfully and sluggishly made his way back to consciousness. Blue eyes opened slowly, attempting to focus on the two very concerned faces above him.

"Hey, kiddo. You okay?" Ben asked softly, touching the knot that had begun to form on the back of his best friend's head. Riley muttered something intelligently and groaned again, the effort to talk making his head hurt a little worse.

"Oh God, Riley!" Abigail cried, taking his face in her hands gently. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you fall! Are you alright?! I'm so sorry!"

Riley managed a weak laughed and nodded. "It's okay, I know you try to beat me up on a regular basis so I'm used to it by now. No worries."

Both Abigail and Ben watched him for a few more seconds before they carefully helped him sit up. "Riley, listen." Ben said queitly, keeping a firm yet gentle hand on his friend's shoulder in case he fell back again.

"What exactly am I listening for? I think my eardrums are bleeding..."

"You're not hiccuping anymore." Abi pointed out, standing to get some ice from the freezer.

"Looks like we finally found our cure."

"A concussion?"

Ben laughed, noticing the blank stare Riley was giving him. "Shock. Shock was what made you hiccups go away."

"No, we tried the scare tactics once before, remember? You threw a snake at me."

"It wasn't that bad."

"It was a boa constricter!"

"It was a grass snake."

Riley rolled his eyes and let his head hang a little, the throbbing in his skull beginning to subside. "You still threw it at me."

"Granted, but that's beside the point." Ben countered, taking to ice Abigail offered and handing it to Riley. "The point is that your hiccups are gone and that element of surprise was what worked."

The younger man sighed, pressing the ice to his head. "Yeah, well let's hope brain damage isn't in the future for the next set of hiccups." He was gently pulled up and sat in a chair. "I'd take hiccups over a coma any day."

Abigail laughed and patted him on the back lightly. "Don't worry, Riley. Next time you get the hiccups we'll have someone else on stand by to give you that kiss." She winked at both treasure hunters and walked to the cabinet to get some aspirin.

"Yeah. Sorry Ben, I love you and all but wasn't really what I had in mind for a first kiss."

"That was your first kiss?!"

Riley smirked playfully and shook his head. "No, but I love the element of surprise as well."

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**Huzzah! Okay, now for those who wanted to see this story turn out a different way, the alternate chapter is a stand-alone one shot called "We're going to do what?" Feel free to read both, but if you are offended by the slash content of the other story, please do not flame me. Flames will be ignored and I will think you are a dick :D Love you all and thank you so much for you wonderful ideas!!!**


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